what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
