I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Randomize
