I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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