Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
