I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I love you. Go after that dick
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
