two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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