Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
