Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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