i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
