that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
