I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm both gender and math confused
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
