She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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