My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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