I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
