I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
