Porn is love you can see.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
