I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Your cock deserves a montage
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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