My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
