I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
