jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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