____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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