how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Rumble strips road head = magical
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
