dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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