i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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