I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
