I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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