I CAN MOONWALK!
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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