She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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