Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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