Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
