I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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