High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
