i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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