His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
