Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
