Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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