i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
