I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Life is so much better after having sex.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
