I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
you told grandpa to call you daddy
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
