I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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