Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
