how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
