I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
