I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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