WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
