guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
