I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
