i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
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