he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
