We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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