his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Still dying that you shit outside
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
