She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My vagina just clenched in fear
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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