They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
