You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
they're like a gay fantastic four
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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